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The Headless Baker
EYE SEE you have come crawling back, as I hold this HUMAN-EYE, BOILS AND GHOULS heh-heh-heh-heh. And now to stick a HUMAN-NOSE IN A BOOK ha-ha. Into A FABLE OF FRIGHT to be specific, about an old baker who gives some people their JUST DESSERTS... Back in June, 1834, an old baker stood in his bakery shop up, in New York City one evening. He frosted a cake and three teenagers came into the place. "Good evening boys, how may I help you?" the old baker exclaimed to them. "Give us some splendid cake sir!" the teenage boys replied and they attacked him. They each hit him in the face, and he fell to the floor, yelling in pain. One of the teenagers grabbed a knife from the counter and held it to the baker's throat. The sound of the baker screaming came from behind the counter, as the sound of the knife cutting his head off was heard as well. "Quick fellas, throw his head here into the oven to bake!!!!" the boy with the knife in the shadows said to the two other ones. Another teenager opened the oven and in the shadows, the teenager with the knife threw the shadowy shape of the baker's head into it. The other teenager closed the oven and they all stole the cake the baker had been frosting and took off. Six years later, the three teenagers were young men, sitting in a bar, drinking bottles of whiskey at a table. The three were laughing together and one said to the other two, "it is getting rather overly dark outside fellas, goodbye. Have a good evening". "Good evening, Jacob!" the others replied to him and Jacob left the bar. Jacob walked up a cobblestone street under the big moon, and passed by the abandoned bakery shop. The voice very quietly of an old man sang: "The Muffin Man", and Jacob stopped by an alleyway, glancing all around. "Hello?" he called out. A shape came down the steps on the other side of the alley and Jacob peered at it, wincing. The shape was that of a headless body and it approached Jacob, as the singing continued. Jacob's eyes widened and with a great gasp, he ran. The headless body chased him down. Jacob glanced at it, noticing it was the ghost of the old baker who was murdered, in his white baker's uniform, his white socks up his dead legs and his black-shoes with the silver buckles. Jacob screamed, "BUT I MURDERED YOU!!!!" to the headless ghost, and it slid a baker's knife across his throat, killing Jacob. The two other young men left the bar and wandered down the cobblestone street. They said: "it is a very dark evening out". As they made it further down the street, the men heard the voice of the old man quietly singing, "The Muffin Man" somewhere close by. "Who is that singing, Andrew?" one man asked the other one. "I am unsure Thomas" Andrew answered. The singing continued and Thomas stopped and turned around, seeing the ghost of the headless baker walking up, behind him and Andrew. The headless baker pursued Andrew and Thomas as they ran, screaming at the top of their lungs in fear. Thomas and Andrew ran, as the apparition waved his old baker's knife in the air. Andrew looked back and saw the phantom catch up to him and swing its knife. Thomas heard Andrew scream accompanied by the sound of the knife cutting off a head. He stopped, gazing back. "You cut off Andrew's head you ghost!!!!" Thomas screamed in horror. Thomas turned to run some more, but screamed at the sight of the headless spirit suddenly before him then. The ghost slid the knife across Thomas's throat, murdering him as well. An hour later, the headless baker was in his old abandoned bakery shop, pulling his skull out of the old oven, which sung: "The Muffin Man" in the voice of the old man. The ghost reattached his skull to his ghostly-neck and as he sang, pulled three more skulls out of the old oven. He then placed them on a tray and decorated them with white-frosting. Heh-Heh, the baker really PUT THE ICING ON THE CAKE in the end eh? He had a lot of SKULL in baking and DE-GORE-RATING too. Now that's definitely how to get A-HEAD in your job. Especially with A GHOST OF A CHANCE aha-ha-ha-ha-ha!